09 August 16
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Posted:Aug 9, 2016 1:52 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2022 7:34 pm 8387 Views
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Life has taken an interesting turn and as a result, I will not be active much. None of my friends really seem to care anyways (or at least I haven't gotten a single email or text asking how I am) so I'm guessing it doesn't really matter that I write this *shrugs* so whatever, am done with the drama crap and done with feeling like I'm just a fucking inconvenience on everyone's part. so ciao!
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Just Done
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Posted:Jul 3, 2016 4:47 pm
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2024 4:55 pm 10545 Views
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I am done taking responsibility for YOUR actions. Grow up. Seriously. Age is just a number and experience does count, but ya know what? I was so much more mature than you at that age. Experience has taught me some hard lessons and while I don't wish those lessons on you, you do need to learn this one:
Your actions are your own responsibility. When you fuck up, own up to it. Don't pass it off on me, pretending I am to blame. You are responsible for your own feelings and your own actions. As am I.
I have taken responsibility for my actions. I am sorry I hurt you. I am sorry that in trying to avoid hurting you, I only made it worst when I finally admitted to my feelings.
What I did was not right. I learned a hard lesson from it, one I will take with me in the future. Not a comfort to you, I know, but I still thank you for the lesson.
And still.
You talk shit behind my back. You tell everyone that I have dragged your name through the mud. The truth is, I never talk about you. I don't say anything to anyone when your name comes up, because...well just because.
In spite of what you think, I am not that person. You are letting your own feelings cause jealousy where none is needed or warranted.
Acting like a spoiled only makes me scoff and roll my eyes. Grow up. You are not always going to get along with everyone, not even partners.
I don't always get along with Sie even when I love Him to pieces. Sometimes He does things that I wonder at and shake my head at but at the end of the day, it's our life and I'm happy with it.
I'm sorry you cannot find happiness. I'm sorry you cannot let go of the past and see what you have in front of you.
Regardless of all this, I only wish you well in this life. I hope that you can move past what happened and find love, find happiness. I'll be sad that my life will no longer be part of yours, but that was your decision and I will accept it.
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26 June 16
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Posted:Jun 25, 2016 11:31 pm
Last Updated:Jun 26, 2016 12:05 am 11466 Views
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Being a people-pleaser, I find it extremely difficult when friends are upset with me. I think it's human to want everyone to like you, but as I'm learning (the hard way), you can't please everyone no matter how hard you try.
You can bend over backwards, go out of your way, walk on eggshells, but what, exactly, does that accomplish? Nothing, except a drain on your energy. That energy which can be put to good use elsewhere.
I dislike confrontation greatly, however in my private life, I'm finding that to be detrimental. I don't want to cause problems, however by *not* speaking up, I cause more problems for the future.
I wasn't honest in the beginning of Sie's relationship with His new partner. As a result, between my dishonesty (and I hate admitting that was a thing, but by not saying something in the beginning when we could have avoided the whole situation) and her reactions and actions, we've hit a stone wall.
Tonight (or more accurately, this morning) I'm finding myself looking back and wondering why I thought not speaking up was the right answer. It would have sucked, upsetting and hurting everyone, but surely it would have been better than this?
I keep finding myself trying to reconcile with her, but I can't. Too much has been said the past 6 months and I can't get past it. I wish I could, I really do, more for Sie's sake than my own, but...perhaps it's for the best.
I have also decided that I am no longer going to try to please everyone. I need to start focusing on myself, on worrying about my health and let everything else fall into place wherever it may.
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